7 Things We Hate People Doing on Planes

What is wrong with people? Not too long ago, I was sitting on an 11-hour flight from Munich to Cape Town, and it was late at night in both cities. All I wanted to do was get somewhat comfortable and get as much sleep as I could so I was well-rested upon our early morning arrival.

But even with earplugs in, I couldn’t block out the two German women across the aisle and one row back.

They talked endlessly, LOUDLY and energetically. They had never heard of the concept of “indoor voices.” They did not appear to need or want sleep — and I had begun to think in my groggy state that maybe they didn’t sleep at all. After several rounds of trying to go to sleep and failing to send psychic waves over to them (I hate confrontations and will avoid them at all costs), I began to understand where the term air rage must come from. But this incident reminds me of all the annoying things people do on planes. I surveyed some frequent flying friends, and here’s what peeved them:

Stealing the armrest. I believe that even before the invention of the wheel or the wing, cave people must have fought over some sort of rudimentary armrests. It seems to be ingrained in our species. Let’s all remember: Armrests must be shared, but that poor lady stuck in the middle seat generally wins ties and should be afforded more than her share. Hey, you have your window or aisle to focus on, and she ain’t got nothing but two damn armrests.

Doing things with their feet. There are people on this planet with foot fetishes, but I’m not one of them. Do not take off your shoes and place your stocking feet up against the bulkhead for all to see, like your body is some sort of twisted trebuchet.

Do not slide your foot — with or without shoe — between the seats in front of you or between the seat in front of you and the window. That’s beyond rude and verges on disrupting all that modern civilization has built. I have been tempted to “spill” red wine on a nasty pair of moccasins that appeared just below my window on one flight. Unfortunately, my grandmother beat politeness into me, so I’m relegated to musing about it to friends and speculating about it in travel articles.

People even clip their toenails as well as paint toenails on planes, which seems beyond reasonable to do in public … in a confined space. Please stop. Now.

Talking in an outdoor voice. Hey, you knew this was going to come back and that I was going to pounce on it. We understand that jet engines are big white-noise generating machines. So, you may have to speak louder to communicate with the person next to you. But a simple physics trick will work equally well … put your mouth a bit closer to their ear. There is a happy middle ground, folks. Many, many people achieve this every day in airplanes, look around you. And maybe you’ll actually stop shouting like you’re on a playground for that moment you’re looking around. Wait … maybe it’s all about distracting these people … hmmm.

Talking to us the whole flight. Generally, I am not one to strike up a conversation with every seatmate on an aircraft. But if they initiate and are friendly and interesting … and if they seem truly capable of a back-and-forth conversation and not a “here’s my life and here are my problems” rant, I’ll gladly chat for a bit.

That said, many people of the rant classification seem to have been absent from school the day that Mrs. Miller taught the class about observing social cues. “Oh, they’ve stopped replying to me with more than one-word answers? They’re now avoiding looking me in the eye as much as possible? They’ve opened up a book? They’ve put earphones in? Huh, maybe I should REPEAT MY HAMSTER STORY AGAIN.”

Bringing their pets. We understand that there are situations where people legitimately need service animals, but in recent months, there have been plenty of examples of people abusing this rule. Remember that there are also travelers who are quite allergic to dogs or cats, and there’s not a lot you can do at 35,000 feet to get away from the sneeze-inducing critter. If you absolutely can’t afford to have someone watch Fritters while you’re visiting Aunt Ethel for the weekend in Des Moines, how did you afford your plane ticket?

Seat rudeness. There is so much around this topic. Perhaps the most annoying to the most people who responded was reclining seats all the way back — without so much as a cursory look. In fact, some people immediately recline their seats the instant that liftoff occurs. I’m often tempted to say, “I’m PRETTY SURE this isn’t 10,000 feet just yet.” Others mysteriously recline AT THE GATE. I’m not sure what’s the point of that … the flight attendant always tells them to straighten up their seat before pushback happens.

Other no-nos include grabbing the seats in front of you when getting up and letting the table tray flop open. These are obviously the same people who slam kitchen cabinets and clomp around like horses on their heels when people on the floor below them are sleeping. We can’t forget kids kicking the seatback and people pecking at the touch screen violently. While they’re feverishly clicking through the entire listing of “New Release” movies eight times, the person in front has to feel every single poke.

General cluelessness. People do so many thoughtless things on airplanes. A sampling of responses includes shoving their butts in people’s faces when digging around in the overhead bin, peeing on the bathroom floor, coughing like they just escaped a tuberculosis ward, having no personal hygiene, farting, playing loud music or games either with or without headphones, putting bags in forward overhead space when they’re sitting in back, and smacking seated passengers with backpacks as they saunter down the aisle. Plus, there’s always that guy flamboyantly typing on his laptop like a wacky inflatable, hitting passengers on either side with his elbows.

Ahh, the glory of air travel. Maybe I’ll consider Megabus next time…

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